The Pawpaw: Kloiber family expresses concerns candidate is stress eating following Reddit AMA inconsistencies
Lexington, Ky (Satire) — The family of Lexington, Kentucky mayoral candidate David Kloiber expressed concerns Sunday that he may be stress eating to cope with the pressure as his high-stakes race enters its final weeks.
In a recent Reddit AMA, Kloiber stated that his children had recently challenged him to a breadstick eating contest, and he successfully ate 24 breadsticks in one sitting. That much appears to be true, but Kloiber left out some key points in his response.
“So, yes, the kids challenged him to a breadstick eating contest, just as, you know, a joke, because we were getting Fazoli’s, which is our favorite locally owned Italian restaurant in Lexington,” said a source close to the Kloiber campaign who asked to remain anonymous because she was not authorized to speak on the matter.
“But then when he got home from picking up our order, we were all quite disappointed to find that there were no breadsticks in the bag. They included our baked spaghetti pizza, chicken parm, classic lasagna, and cheese pizza (best in town!), but NO BREADSTICKS. The kids were pretty torn up about it, since, let’s face it, Fazoli’s breadsticks are kind of addictive.”
When the source was picking up Kloiber’s man-cave later that night, she made a startling discovery, however. A Fazoli’s breadstick bag and a receipt for 24 breadsticks were located on the floor, along with an Xbox controller that retained Kloiber’s fingerprints in garlic butter residue.
While the woman was still deciding how to delicately bring the matter up to Kloiber, as of press time, he had reportedly challenged his children to a Chicken McNugget eating contest.
Fazoli’s Founder and CEO Kuni Toyoda, who is also behind Bella Notte and Smashing Tomato, said the chain is now working with the Urban County Council and The Webb Companies to develop a new “breadsticks-only” concept restaurant just around the corner from city hall in the event Kloiber wins the November election.
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