[Editor’s note: this story contains elements of satire.]
The LPD is investigating a riot and destruction of property report on State St. As of press time, officers reported finding numerous kegs of beer at the scene. A strong odor of marijuana was also reported, but that could not be independently confirmed–LPD officers have been known to report that even in cases where it was demonstrably false (in 2005, before body cameras, one officer directly admitted this to a member of the public.)